As the Woman's Soccer Coach at the University of North Carolina for 33 years, Anson Dorrance's teams have won 22 National Championships. In his in his fantastic 1996 book, Training Soccer Champions, with Tim Nash, he shares some great insights as to why "Complete Communication" includes more than just our words:
"Though trial and error, I have learned that the women I have coached listen less to what I say than to how I say it. In other words, they listen less to the language and more to the tone. If my tone is negative, it doesn't matter how positive the words are. They are going to hear negative.
If your body language is negative, it doesn't matter how careful you are in constructing your sentences to create a positive impression. It still comes out negative. Women listen to your tone and watch your body language, regardless of what comes out of your mouth.
They are discovering in research that a woman has so many other faculties in her brain that she draws on in a conversation, and these faculties are above and beyond her intellectual interpretation of the words you are using to communicate.
She is looking at your body language, and she is listening to your tone. Through a combination of all these factors, she is deciphering exactly what you are thinking about her regardless of what you are saying. It's crucial when you are coaching women to use the correct tone and body language to communicate, or at least have some sort of positive approach even if you are being critical.
If you are criticizing a woman in training — and obviously sometimes you are going to — they have to get a sense that it's nothing personal."
Anisha Sipporah, in this excerpt from her wonderful poem "Tone of Voice", describes the impact of "Complete Communication" as it relates to children:
"It's not so much what you say,
As the manner in which you say it;
It's not so much the language you use,
As the tone in which you convey it.
'Come here, ' I sharply said,
And the child cowered and wept.
'Come here, ' I said; he looked and smiled,
And straight to my lap he crept."
It is valuable to be mindful of your "Complete Communication" as a speaker and a listener and to be aware of the impact on the other person.
Are you?
"Though trial and error, I have learned that the women I have coached listen less to what I say than to how I say it. In other words, they listen less to the language and more to the tone. If my tone is negative, it doesn't matter how positive the words are. They are going to hear negative.
If your body language is negative, it doesn't matter how careful you are in constructing your sentences to create a positive impression. It still comes out negative. Women listen to your tone and watch your body language, regardless of what comes out of your mouth.
They are discovering in research that a woman has so many other faculties in her brain that she draws on in a conversation, and these faculties are above and beyond her intellectual interpretation of the words you are using to communicate.
She is looking at your body language, and she is listening to your tone. Through a combination of all these factors, she is deciphering exactly what you are thinking about her regardless of what you are saying. It's crucial when you are coaching women to use the correct tone and body language to communicate, or at least have some sort of positive approach even if you are being critical.
If you are criticizing a woman in training — and obviously sometimes you are going to — they have to get a sense that it's nothing personal."
Anisha Sipporah, in this excerpt from her wonderful poem "Tone of Voice", describes the impact of "Complete Communication" as it relates to children:
"It's not so much what you say,
As the manner in which you say it;
It's not so much the language you use,
As the tone in which you convey it.
'Come here, ' I sharply said,
And the child cowered and wept.
'Come here, ' I said; he looked and smiled,
And straight to my lap he crept."
It is valuable to be mindful of your "Complete Communication" as a speaker and a listener and to be aware of the impact on the other person.
Are you?
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